Heaven and storms

Madness. Pure madness, this is what she feels when she lies in the dark, wet grass, in the middle of the night, sobbing at the terrifying scripts her sick mind is creating. Pure madness, when tears start falling on that drawing of a Lucy screaming in despair she’s made. As she desperately wishes she was that Lucy, so she could cry her heart out right there, in the darkness, everyone’s sleeping silently.
Horrifying mental images of what could happen. Painful memories of past mistakes. She’d love if he pulled that trigger. Blurry pictures of those blue, round shapes erasing memories. Devilish, imaginary sounds of the last few words. Sharp words. Someone, pull the trigger already! Mistakes and regrets, silent screams, 1:00 am, psychosis. This is it; please, stick with her in psychosis. She’d kill for him to be happy; she’d pull that trigger.
Pure madness, ‘cuz her heart can’t stop running 1000 miles per hour, getting ready to explode. There’s no coherence in my words, in her imagination, in the frightening screenplays her thick mind doesn’t stop making. What if…? As loneliness chases her rage away, she wishes to turn back time to the moment when her dreams were all bright. She wishes he was there, so she could say how sorry she is. Why don’t you pull the trigger?
Her heart chopped by thousands of invisible knives and razorblades, sick images of this bloody end start dancing euphorically on her retina. This is how she is, living through her mad obsessions. She’d want to save her eyes for him, those eyes he cherishes so much. She’d want to be his and only his forever. But wait, forever lasts so much longer; don’t pull the trigger just yet… She needs to say how much she loves him, how sorry she is. Don’t pull the trigger until next morning, don’t let this heart sink deeper in despair.
Love comes together with pain. Sometimes, paradise is filled with storms – such a paradoxical package deal. Every now and then, there are dark, thick clouds in her heaven. But he’s always waiting there, in the shadows – her rapture, her ecstasy, her bliss, her thrill, the paradise. She’s in love.
Don't let go..